I love reading stories written in first person. Maybe it’s because they are more immersive, allowing you to perceive things as though you were the main character, experiencing their journey and its victories and defeats as though they were your own. It could be simply that it’s freeing and exciting to see through another person’s eyes.
Unfortunately, far too many counselors, coaches, consultants, and businesses fail to see the world through their client’s eyes. I’m guilty of this. It’s part of the human condition to assume everyone feels as though we do, makes decisions from the same background, and thinks the same way. But we all know this isn’t true.
To be effective at meeting needs and delivering value, we first have to step into the shoes of our prospects and patients. We must shed our preconceived notions and embrace realities beyond what we have known. I can never hope to truly meet a need that I do not understand.
This applies even more poignantly to companies and healthcare professionals reaching out to their clients. Perhaps a lesson in cognitive and behavioral counseling will drive the point home.
Albert Einstein once said, “Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.” How then does this apply to behavioral counseling? Why did I choose this quote to demonstrate perceptive principles?
Perhaps it is because behavioral therapy is all about counting. Like cognitive therapy, this theory focuses heavily upon recording observations and measuring results. It prides itself on empirical evidence. But effective intervention is much more than this. Anyone who’s practiced for even a day well knows counseling is as much art as science.
Ivan Pavlov conducted experiments with a dog to demonstrate classical conditioning. Naturally, we generalize his results to the human population. Even so, a great deal of creativity was used in his work (Why a dog? Why salivating? Why a bell?). The same is true of using behavioral techniques with people. Designing a program that aims at “conditioning” or “training” someone…or its opposite…necessitates careful thought about that person’s unique personality and interests.
What if Pavlov had tried to condition his dog to bathe itself or to act friendly toward cats? I think this approach would’ve seriously hindered his efforts. Instead, Pavlov met the dog on its level. Dogs love to eat. Dogs respond to the sharp clang of a high-pitched sound. Dogs are always ready to chew. We would do well, when using a behavioral orientation, to remember this theorist’s lesson.
And we do this by knowing our client, by asking questions and discovering their interests and passions. If a person is shy in social settings but wants to improve their social skills then how should I help them? I could ignore their distinctiveness and go with what worked with my last client. I could place them in a room full of extroverts and ask the client to approach them and hold a conversation.
Of course, this wouldn’t work if my client fears intimacy and is highly self-conscious. In this case, social skills training would not be as valuable to them as low-anxiety situations that build confidence. On the other hand, if I did learn about my client’s interests, finding that they enjoy performing physical activities, I could better help them by executing a behavioral task such as canoeing or playing basketball.
Invariably, they would interact with other persons during it, thereby enhancing their social skills, minus the debilitating fear that comes from reliance upon verbal communication alone. Such an experiment would be tailor-made for the individual (and would likely be more effective because of it) in the same way Pavlov or Skinner’s work harnessed the traits of the animals they used.
Thus, the first half of Einstein’s quote rings true: “Not everything that can be counted counts.” Even though I may have used a technique or sales strategy effectively with ninety-nine clients, it does not mean this strategy will help the next.
The second half of Einstein’s quote is also therefore verified: “not everything that counts can be counted.” Although many have attempted it, I find it quite impossible to quantify the precise perceptions that differentiate any man or woman from another. What is the nature of the soul and how can it be measured? As with snowflakes, no two are identical despite the labels we create in a vain attempt to contain and classify infinite diversity.
Thus, building intimate working relationships around the client’s specific personality is a vital task of anyone seeking to reach them. The same is true of those working from a cognitive perspective. How can I expect the client to grasp that their thoughts are counterproductive if I have not taken the time to fully understand them myself? Their true meaning (and the feelings or actions they generate) remain hidden until the client reveals them.
Epictetus was right in teaching that men are not disturbed by events, but by how they perceive those events. If this is cognitive therapy’s foundation, then the counselor should be hypervigilant about how they perceive their client but more so about how the client perceives them. As in behavioral therapy, missing crucial elements inherent in the therapeutic task (in this case, the client’s unique worldview) can be disastrous to the success of each session.
Translate this to business and the multifaceted challenges of delivering real value become apparent. Market research can tell us about demographics, preferences, and trends but it cannot uncover the deepest motivations of each person’s heart. Only they can share this. Misinterpret their intention and you lose a sale. Misunderstand their desire and you alienate them. Misjudge their passion and you drive them away.
But reverse this trend and the miraculous happens. Opening your eyes to theirs and seeing as they see allows your practice and business to capture the intention, desires, and passions of your clientele with pinpoint accuracy. Then, it is a simple matter to align your capabilities with their needs so earth-shattering value is imparted!
Clients that encounter this, clients that know they are truly understood, are capable not only of revolutionizing your business, but harnessing your support to change the world. How do you learn these secrets for such incredible impact? Simply ask them. This planet is filled with people longing to be accepted and known. You should try it out. And I will too. Maybe in the process, we’ll discover new beauty when seeing this world through each other’s eyes.
Until next time, don’t just be transformed: be Kinged.
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