Everyone’s heard the expression, “No pain, no gain,” which means that you have to endure difficulty and struggle to accomplish something great. That’s certainly true, and you should approach situations this way when making an important decision. But you also have to look at it from the other side. Sometimes, when a fantastic opportunity comes along (a promotion, a new venture, or a new relationship), the only thing we consider is the positives it presents. We rarely contemplate that this new opportunity could also destroy us if we don’t recognize and aren’t prepared for the challenges it will inevitably bring.
I remember a time when I was just beginning to get established in my career as a professional counselor. I’d earned the degree, obtained the license to practice, and had put in the work necessary to land a job, see my first clients, and build the real-life experience necessary to become truly good at what I did.
I was constantly trying to overachieve. I saw the way other counselors dressed and took mine a notch above, dressing even better at the office than my bosses did. While other counselors sold their college books and considered their studies done after completing their degree, I kept every one of mine and continued to reference them. I borrowed books on the shelves of other professionals, or else ordered new ones, and continued to study about the best techniques, the most efficient methods, and the latest approaches.
Whereas many counselors referred away their difficult or time-consuming clients, I picked those clients up, knowing that if I could be effective with them then I could be doubly effective with easier ones. I picked up the slack for other therapists and volunteered my time to teach new interns or to complete projects for which my superiors needed help.
And the result of this was that I moved up rather quickly in my field. I was advanced and promoted and was asked to help my colleagues and employers build new programs on the side. In the midst of this, I was given the opportunity to not only work my usual 40 hours for the company but to earn even more money and experience by contracting with them in the evenings to lead therapy groups on the side after hours.
And, ultimately, it nearly cost me my family. I was getting up early and staying late, working on progress notes and developing curriculum at home while my family watched TV. I missed family outings and cut short play time and rushed away from the dinner table. At one point, concerned because she couldn’t reach me, my wife showed up at the clinic at 9 PM, was let inside by the custodial crew, and made her way to my office to retrieve me. I had fallen asleep at my desk.
My son was growing up without his father and my wife had been feeling alone and ignored for so long it was seriously damaging our marriage. Fortunately, I recognized what was happening in time, corrected the situation, and swore I’d never let that happen again by setting healthy boundaries between my work and my home life. My problem was that I hadn’t counted the cost.
Don’t just jump at every opportunity that comes your way. Moving to the next level in your career or even personal life is difficult but worth it…to a point. Before saying “yes” to anything that comes your way, no matter how golden and glimmering or powerfully prestigious it seems, recognize the pain that this gain will likely bring.
If you take that promotion, you’ll get the corner office but you’ll also have a whole new level of stress. If you marry that man or woman, you’ll get the feelings of intimacy but also an entirely new set of responsibilities. If you buy the boat, start the business, have the baby…well, you get the point.
This is not to say that any of these things are bad. Indeed, they can be extravagantly good. But you have to see the whole picture and be prepared for exactly what you are saying “yes” to. So how do you prepare for the pain that comes with the gain?
First, you need to increase your resources. This could be building up your financial strength, expanding your manpower, clearing your calendar of non-critical tasks, sacrificing them to open up new windows of productive time. If you lack any of these aspects, and this is not an exhaustive list, then you run the risk of jumping in over your head. Unable to meet the demands, your new venture could drown you.
Second, you have to increase your skills. This might mean your ability to close sales at the lower level is insufficient once you’re in the big leagues. Time to hit the batting cage and practice. It could mean taking yourself back to school and cultivating undeveloped abilities or expanding your knowledge base. Or, this could take the form of building up your coping skills. Some people are capable of blowing off a certain level of steam but, unprepared for higher levels, they crack under the stress. Don’t let that be you.
Third, enhance your current level of support. This support applies to every area: your friendships, your social circle, your work colleagues, and your family. Either obtain more support if your network is slim or take the time to cultivate a deeper quality of relationships that can nurture you and this new stage of your life.
Many people avoid moving forward in life, or they self-sabotage their efforts, the moment they realize that the gain brings new pain. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen addicts in a four-week treatment program begin to apply themselves, grow, move forward, and excel in their recovery. Then, around the end of week three to the beginning of week four, they suddenly plummet, do something stupid, and regress.
It’s because they’re beginning to realize what they’ve committed to, recognize they will have to actually apply what they’ve learned, and fear failure. So they give up or train-wreck themselves because they don’t want to follow through with the demands of fulfilling the goal they’ve set. The pain of their gain is too much to handle.
If you decide to seize the gain, then you better dang sure be ready to embrace the pain that comes along with it. There are many ways to avoid this pitfall and they all begin with stepping into your venture being fully informed of what your decision will cost you.
You will need a competitive mindset. No one steps up to the starting line of a marathon expecting it to be over in a few moments. They evaluate their competition, train hard to develop endurance, and determine deep within themselves that when their sore muscles begin screaming, they’re in this to win it and will see their decision through to the end.
You also have to keep your guard up. Usually, launching into something new goes well in the beginning. There’s always a honeymoon stage where everything is rosy and blissful and exciting. But don’t fall for it. Refuse to slack off when things are going well. This period is a gift to allow you to catch your breath and get everything ready so you can effectively handle the challenges when they come. It’s right when you decide to put off writing that report and take a long lunch when three surprise emergencies hit all at once.
Another important mindset is that you refuse to surrender under pressure. When the going gets tough, the tough double down, shrug off fatigue, dig down deep, and pull out every ounce of their resolve necessary to see their vision through to its end. Retreat or surrender cannot be options if you’ve counted the cost and now simply have to pay it.
So, you see, when staring your potential gain in the eye, remember to do some reconnaissance before pouncing. Gain experience and wisdom from those that have been there and done that. This way, you’ll have a better idea of what to expect, the steps that should be taken, and how to successfully manage what comes so you aren’t blindsided by it.
Who do you seek out for this purpose? Look for others in your network that are doing what you are considering. There’s been several college students that contacted me while still in school to ask what it’s really like to work in the counseling field. I gave them insights and things to consider that would never have been gleaned from their textbooks or professors. Obtain this inside track.
Also, look into hiring an experienced coach or consultant. Mentorship gives you an edge in whatever avenue you’re pursuing and pays for itself. Why endure hardship, setbacks, and mistakes when you can learn from these experiences that others have had? I’d rather dodge the pit and take the shortcut any day when I have the option to leverage the life lessons of another professional as my own.
Lastly, it’s important who you don’t seek out, and these are the people we typically turn to most often. Unfortunately, brainstorming your decision with same-level peers, family, or friends, can often do more damage than good. Acting on the advice of someone that lacks adequate knowledge and experience can be devastating. Plus, there’s the risk these persons will miscalculate the actual cost or even discourage you from taking the leap because of their own selfish motives or short-sightedness.
So, in a nutshell, you must be willing to endure the added pain of whatever opportunity you are seizing. Doing so successfully means that you must accurately understand what is to come and that you are prepared to handle it.
Resolve deep in your spirit that the joy of what you are gaining is worth the price. If you can do this, then embrace it because that is how you get stronger, leaping from one level to the next. But if you can’t, then walk away and thank God that at least someone warned you to count the cost before it was too late.
