There he was, crumpled to his knees in dismay and shock, a solitary tear snaking its way past his quivering lip. And then disappointment gave way to rage. His eyes darkened as fierce fists began pounding the ground. Screaming and thrashing in unbridled fury, he refused to relent. He vowed to fight to the bitterest end; it mattered not what dreadful consequences may come. So great was his injury, nay, his crushing insult, that he knew all too well this was the worst day of his life.
At least that’s what my 5-year-old son said while throwing his tantrum. He’d been told the candy in his hand was off limits because dinner would soon be ready and he’d had enough that day anyway. Oh the anguish he experienced and unleashed upon his persecutors! But then the chicken nuggets were served and all the world was right, filled with bliss and sunshine once more.
The Power is Yours
What if you could choose what you felt? No, I don’t mean gritting your teeth and “controlling” your emotions like the Incredible Hulk straining against his greener impulses while his jugular pulsed. I mean actually shifting your emotional state, changing your feelings from one to another as simply as hitting a different preset button on the radio.
What if you could choose what you see; what if you determined the very world around you? No, I don’t mean experiencing a psychedelic hallucination or camping out in a fairytale daydream. I mean shifting your awareness from one reality to another, releasing one perception in favor of a better one and reacting to it just as authentically as the previous.
Impossible, you say? Perhaps for some. But I’m of the persuasion that, as challenging as it might be, we choose what we think about. That’s right. We and we alone determine our beliefs. And from our beliefs flow thoughts and from our thoughts flow emotions and from our emotions flow reactions and behaviors. Is it not true that, depending upon which domino falls first, the chain reaction must inevitably proceed from the direction in which it starts? I think so. At least I choose to.
We Make Our Own Dreams and Nightmares
As with the photo for this post, where we shift the magnifier and at what we gaze is completely up to us. “It costs the same.” Ugh…that expression is forever burned into my mind. My father would share it when I was young, directing it at whatever teenage angst blew my hormonal way. He would say I could be happy or I could be sad: it cost the same.
What an idiot. How dare he? Surely he had no idea what I was feeling, what my world had descended into?!? But, now that I’m older and I look back, dang it, he was right. The pay-per-view mounted binoculars still cost 25-cents whether you stare at the bird poop on the railing or at the rolling mountain range. It is a fact that whatever we choose to magnify gets larger. Makes sense, right?
This realization dawned on me while I was in the shower after a particularly lovely day. It was an active one filled with exercise and sweat but it was wonderful. Shampooing my hair, I thought about how amazing it was being surrounded by my family, accomplishing great things, enjoying the simple pleasures life has to offer. With great gratitude, I thought, “this was the best day of my life.” But that wasn’t the realization.
The realization came as swiftly as I counted my blessings. I remembered that it was not the first time I had thought this. Indeed, there were other moments, other memories when I said, “Surely, THIS is the best day of my life.” Was I wrong then?
No, I don’t think so. It’s hard to pit one such moment against another. At those times, it truly was the best day of my life, perhaps up to that point, or perhaps simply because I was taking a moment to recognize it. Racing away in my first car, kissing under the bleachers, graduating high school, marrying my soul mate, the birth of my first son, the birth of my second, and on and on. They were all, equally, the best days of my life during those moments.
And then I thought about the times I’d said the opposite, times when I said “this is the WORST day of my life.” These were the moments I was in utter pain, drowning in despair, and wracked with hopelessness. Being grounded from my Nintendo, that pretty girl breaking my heart, the crushing grip of addiction, the death of my best friend…yeah, these were all the worst days of my life at the time.
Some circumstances clearly held greater repercussions than others but my defeated reaction was the same across each situation. That’s where the intensity of emotion came from! At other times, I handled equally crushing blows with far more grace. So what made one unbearable and another just crappy? What made one bliss and another hum-drum? I did. Ultimately, the epiphany I experienced was that my perception determined my reality. And I realized this was likely to keep happening…that the best and the worst days of my life both still lay ahead of me. Exciting, this realization was, and sobering.
A Moment of Clarity
Let’s all take a moment of silence for the denied candy. In my son’s mind, it was truly the worst thing he had experienced, the worst he could imagine…in the moment. It makes you wonder if that denied promotion, that Mercedes cutting you off in traffic, that screaming fit when coffee spilled across your lap was really worth it. How silly it is to think something is the best or the worst it can be when you’re not done living yet. You know, this is also true of the really big stuff.
For me, the moment of clarity came when I recognized it is completely up to me how I will live in this moment. The challenge is to find happiness in the present, despite whatever circumstances occur. I’d be dishonest if I didn’t point out this is easier said than done, or that these moments of clarity come and fade and come again. But at least now I pursue them. I try to recognize that every mountain is followed by a valley and every valley by a mountain. I believe there are yet new depths to plumb and new heights to climb. Through it all, life is found in the living.
Determine Your Fate
“I once was sad that I had no shoes, until I saw a man that had no feet,” the old expression goes. We are the product of our choices, which are driven by our perceptions. Did you know that human beings have the most highly developed prefrontal cortex of any creature? That’s the part that makes you “you.” It’s the area of the brain responsible for conscious thought, self-awareness, and the ability to conceptualize.
In fact, a human’s prefrontal cortex is so powerful in its ability to imagine things that it causes one’s body to respond as though the imagined situation was real and actually happening. We can see someone’s bloody injury and feel a twinge of pain course through our body. We can hear someone describe the deliciously tender steak they just ate and our mouth will water. We can read a romantic story or see an erotic picture and our respective equipment will activate. We can watch a lemon be cut open and taste the bitter tinge of its juice on our tongue. In fact, we could perceive a threat to our lives and our heart will race, our muscles tense, and our breath become fleeting and shallow. This is the essence of a panic attack, by the way. Though none of these things were actually experienced or real (no injury, no steak, no lemon, no lover, no danger), our brain responds to the programming we give it. We make it real.
Think terrifying thoughts and you will know fear. Watch a funny movie and you will laugh. Recount all your betrayals and anger will rise. Hear a sad story and your heart will hurt. Input and output. Beliefs and thoughts. Imaginations and feelings. Perceptions and actions. That’s how this thing works, folks. We make it real. WE do. So it’s critical to remember that the situation is far less important than how it is perceived. Faith is the substance of things hoped for. While there is a far greater depth and breadth to this truth than just what is outlined here, the basic understanding of its meaning is clear. What you believe will become your reality.
So, if we create our world through our beliefs and our focus, then our responsibility to expertly control our thoughts is obvious. For, out of them, flow all the issues of life. This is bitter poison for some and sweet medicine for others. If you let your thoughts control you instead of the other way around, then there very well may be a lot of “worst days of your life” in store for you in the days to come. But if you have the courage and discipline to redirect your focus, hone your perceptions, and lock in on the good things life has to offer…well…it’s certainly possible that every day could be the best one of your life.
Until next time, don’t just be transformed: be Kinged.
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