What if it were you?
Jonathon was just called into his supervisor’s office and handed a pink slip. His education, experience, and decades of hard work had all gone into him landing this one extremely rare position. Walking down the hall to pack his things and leave the building forever, he felt completely lost.
Samantha signed the divorce papers with a shaking hand and tears welling in her eyes. Ever since she was a little girl she’d always wanted to be swept off her feet, lavished with love, and make a happy home. Now, because he “just wanted space,” she watched the relationship that had defined her erupt in flames.
Brandon spent untold hours performing research, testing, and troubleshooting of his new invention. He had worked, sacrificed, and devoted everything to this one goal for the past 10 years. Now that it was a reality…he felt he had nowhere left to go but down.
Kesha was a devoted church-goer. Whenever the doors were open, she could be found excitedly attending Vacation Bible School, taking notes during sermons, presenting her dish at potlucks, and discussing scripture with church friends. Then, in the course of two months, her world was turned upside down as Kesha’s father died of a sudden heart attack, her teenage son began abusing drugs, and she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. In the midst of her suffering, questions churned in her mind along with troubling doubts about her faith.
Each of these persons have something in common: they are all experiencing the pain of an Existential Crisis. This post explains just what that is and how to navigate it successfully.
Confusion Doesn’t Discriminate
Your age, race, politics, and faith don’t matter when it comes to hardship or crushing disappointments in life. Everyone, at one point or another, will experience waning clarity and difficult heartache. It strikes the rich and the poor, the refined and the uneducated.
In a nutshell, an Existential Crisis is feeling like the floor just dropped out beneath you. Everything you thought you knew, every constant that motivated you can seem to suddenly vanish. Common elements include both confusion and distress regarding your purpose, values, identity, freedom, and meaning in life.
Make no mistake, Existential Crises can be intensely painful.
Viktor Frankl was an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist who was born in the early 1900s.
He was also a Jew living in Nazi controlled Vienna. In 1942, just nine months after his marriage, Frankl and his family were taken into captivity. Frankl would go on to spend time in 4 different concentration camps during the holocaust, including the famous Auschwitz, where his mother and brother were killed in the gas chambers. His wife died soon thereafter.
After surviving this experience, he went on to develop the psychological theory and techniques of Logotherapy and to write the book, “Man’s Search for Meaning,” which quickly became an international best-seller.
As is apparent, Viktor Frankl experienced a rather profound Existential Crisis. But out of that was born healing that touched untold thousands of lives.
In his case, Viktor was able to turn hardship and pain into a journey of healing and strength. For others, this path seems more elusive. Even so, we all have to remember in the heat of such a struggle that hope can arise and good can come from what appears in the moment to be total loss.
Points to Consider
Existential Crises occur most often during or soon after major life changes. For many, the realization of long-held fears trigger its development. For others, losing the things, people, or circumstances one depends on for meaning and purpose bring it about.
Some people are more vulnerable to experiencing an Existential Crisis than others. In particular, those who are deeply compassionate, the clinically depressed, “givers” who burn out, and people who are miserable in their life circumstances, just going through the motions to survive, are most at risk.
An Existential Crisis can occur at any age, but the most common time (and one that popular culture is most familiar with) is the “mid-life crisis,” which occurs around age 40 and includes fears that one’s growth is no longer on an upward trajectory but is, instead, going downhill.
How long the crisis last varies greatly. In some cases, it can be only a few weeks to months and, in others, the condition may persist for years.
The most common experiential element about an Existential Crisis is a sense of being overwhelmed or hopeless and that one is simply “drifting” or “empty.”
So how do we navigate this situation?
Two Paths
1. The first path is the easiest but will cost you the most in the long-run. Essentially, you bury the questions you are seeking the answers to, ignore the feelings they generate, and distract yourself with superficial things. This will give you a measure of relief but, eventually, something will happen that will cause the thoughts and feelings to surface again, perhaps with greater intensity, and you will still have to experience them. You can “rinse and repeat” this approach for a lifetime or you can pursue the second path.
2. This path is far more difficult but also, ultimately, far more rewarding. Essentially, you stare directly into the questions and fears you have and face them head on. Grapple with redefining your values and identity, continue to explore your spirituality by making tangible efforts to develop it, and wrestle with your questions of purpose until you have answers. Again, this is a much harder road and on it you will face uncomfortable emotions and thoughts. But, once you have “broken through” so to speak, there will be a new sense of peace and direction that can be lifelong regardless of whatever difficult circumstances you may later face.
The choice of which direction to go is yours alone to make.
Viktor Frankl taught that, in spite of how harsh or grueling one’s circumstances were, they could still be fulfilling and hold deep meaning. Facing the Existential Crisis was necessary in his thinking, because the tendency to avoid pain by seeking hedonistic pleasures as a distraction can derail people’s success at clearly identifying their purpose and meaning in life.
A Rx for Healing
Apart from Logotherapy treatment, here are some practical steps you can take to manage an existential crisis:
First, reach out to friends, families, and faith communities for emotional support. There is much wisdom to be learned in the experiences of others and simply having someone listen to your struggle can be an immense help.
Second, practice meeting “life on life’s terms.” Frustration and desperation are often relieved when we work on things we can actually change and accept those things we cannot. This will grant a sense of peace amid feelings of chaos.
Third, journal your thoughts and practice artistic expression. Painting, carving, dancing, sculpting, and other creative ventures help you to release your fears and doubts. And don’t forget to make time to enjoy the simple things in life.
Fourth, practice mindfulness exercises or use meditation techniques. These actions, while seemingly basic, can generate a sense of tranquility and stability when everything around you appears insecure.
Fifth, reach out to a good psychotherapist to assist you with working through your Existential Crisis. Many are trained for just this thing. Or speak with your pastor or faith leader for guidance. There’s also always the option of finding comfort in others by joining a support group filled with like-minded persons who are on a journey similar to your own.
Ultimately: take special care to develop your values and identity as a springboard for recognizing your life purpose and meaning. This can set you on an entirely new course toward reaching your potential and fulfillment.
This means you have to make decisions. Make clear choices about what you value, what you believe, what you don’t believe, and the pursuits you feel have genuine importance or give your existence a sense of meaning.
Read the works of great philosophical, religious, and psychological thinkers throughout history such as Friedrich Nietzsche, Carl Jung, William Shakespeare, Soren Kierkegaard, and Socrates and you will see that addressing these questions are a fundamental part of human existence.
These thinkers often arrive at different conclusions, and you will have to reach your own as well. I can’t tell you what to think or believe, nor should you want me to. But I can say with certainty that living a life motivated by courage rather than by fear is a far more rewarding one even if it is difficult.
For goodness’ sake, hang in there! It may just be that you are experiencing growing pains. And, when you think about it, that’s really not a bad thing at all.
